» Syndicated from The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
Hi, I'm a 35 year old single mother of a 3 year old boy. I've been divorcing for the last two years and it was finalized in Feb. I started dating a man i had been friends with for a long time. We started dating shortly after i moved out. I realize it was a horrible idea to start dating someone that soon and I completely regret it also because my boyfriend and ex know eachother and dislike eachother making the whold divorce process a nightmare for me. My boyfriend is a great guy, responsible, thoughtful, intelligent and I think he would be a great influence for my son in a lot of respects. The only problem is my boyfriend is REALLY high strung and i'm really laid back. He needs to be in control of everything and everyone around him or I know he'll get anxious. I take his controling behavior as he doesn't trust me. He has a tendency to find huge fault in something I do at least once a week and after two years it's getting old. I try to spend all of my free time with him but it's never enough for him unless i'm sacrificing time with my son to spend with him. The most recent argument involved him requesting that i forward him all communications (text, email) between me and my son's dad. He framed it in a way that it would make him feel more involved in the decision making process as far as our relationship and my son. I asked him if he wanted ALL communications since most are just one word text messages saying i'm here for pick up. He told me to use my judgment so i've been forwarding all pertinent texts about scheduling since that affects him too. The yesterday my son was home sick with the flu and my ex texted me "How is he" I didn't really think to forward this one since it really had no baring on anything. My boyfriend thought this was the wrong choice and let me know in a very antagonizing way that I have bad judgment and that i should be forwarding all texts. He said he "once again felt left out" I completley felt defeated and like he didn't trust me. I had a nagging feeling like he just wanted to keep a watchful eye on how my ex and i speak with eachother which bothers me. I've never done anything to make him not trust me and he knows my goal is to have a very cooperative coparenting relationship with my ex. I already agreed to forward all future text messages but he was on a roll with all the other things i've done wrong in our relationship all of which to me are very minor circumstancial things but to him are a huge deal. I'm at my wits end with the way he speaks to me whenever we have an issue. I'm not used to having someone lecture me like a child or hurl personal insults and critisicisms without thinking. I would never want my son to hear someone speaking to his mother like that. I'm all for resolving issues but doing it in a non threatening way. My main question is - is the text message request normal for any step families out there?? I just need help trying to figure out where the line is and how much a step father should be involved in the coparenting relationship?
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